Wednesday 18 March 2015

Job Description - Hospital Matron






JOB TITLE
Makeshift Home Hospital Matron


JOB DESCRIPTION
You will be responsible for providing all patient care and for the efficient running of your home hospital.  On top of this you will have to perform all of your existing motherly and wifely duties.


KEY RESPONSIBILITIES
You will be required to care for everyone in your household who sniffles, coughs or sneezes because these symptoms clearly mean that they are rendered unable to perform any tasks for themselves.

You will be required to administer medications, pass out tissues, make honey and lemon tea, hand out throat lozenges, change the television station, provide refreshments, issue damp flannels, tuck blankets in, fluff pillows, read stories.

You will be required to offer hugs multiple times a day.


SKILLS AND QUALIFICATIONS
Having given birth to these hypochondriacs pretty much qualifies you for this role.


SALARY AND BENEFITS
This role requires your full commitment every waking moment, and will often extend into your sleeping moments as well.

Rather than actual monetary reward your tireless efforts will probably be rewarded with the eventual contracting of the symptoms yourself and if this does occur you will find that there is no tea or sympathy forthcoming.


HOW TO APPLY
No need to formally apply because the job is yours, there are no other takers! You can pick up your medical kit at the front door and start immediately.  Good luck!!









Has your household been hit by cold and flu with the change of seasons too?  
Any tips to help us through it??

10 comments:

  1. No cold or flues just yet. Fingers crossed we sail through as I'm the only female and man flu gets academy award performances in this house. Good luck, loved your job description, hope it doesn't get to you too x

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    1. Thanks Jo! Oh no...man flu at your place sounds potentially epic!! Hope you all stay fit and healthy!!!

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  2. Love your job description. I live with a beloved man baby/hypchondirac which means that like Jo, every ailment results in an Oscar winning "woe is me" performance. It's more painful for me, than the patient, I'm sure! We're flu free for now "touches wood" - sending you virtual tea and sympathy!

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    1. Hoping your household stays flu free Sammie...it sounds painful
      lol !! Thanks for the tea and sympathy...much appreciated!!

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  3. Oh my goodness our house is full of constant snot and coughs at the moment! I totally feel not qualified but you are right ....there are no other takers!!! This gave me a good giggle

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  4. Yes sadly no other takers lol !!!! I hope your household gets better soon...seriously how much snot can there be right!! Thanks for stopping by!

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  5. Love it - describes me to a T - no been bitten my C & F yet - though 15mins ago the boy came to tell me he has watery eyes again like last year.

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    1. Hope you can stay clear of the colds and flu Trish...and hope your little boy is ok xx Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. Bahaha! Love those skills and quals. So not fair!!

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